“Claire, claire, claire…I love you, don’t cry.

Just be yourself dear and don’t worry too much over the little things in life.  That’s why God’s here to fix the messes we don’t have to.  You know he don’t give us anything we can’t handle.  He’ll send an angel to embrace you during those hardest moments when I’m called back home.”  Her mother’s last words the night before she died still both haunt and comfort her at the same time.  

“Damn where’s my fucking Visine when I need it the most,” Claire hysterically screams to herself. Her eyes are bloodshot red from all the crying, but mostly from the bong hit she just took to ease the stress and her inner pain.  She needed this medicinal therapy the most; sex was her second choice to escape from the turmoil and her conflicted thoughts.  Her mind flashes back to that time Toni and her grinded atop the coffee beans at the Starbucks in Raleigh.  God…if she could turn back time she’d asked that angel to marry her.  

She spoke to herself as if she were talking to a ghost from her childhood past, “My mother was a born again and became Christian shortly before she died.  How the fuck am I to believe this invisible heaven when the Church crucifies same sex relations.  If my mom only knew I was madly in love with my high school crush at the time…and that she was a Catholic Lesbian.  She would roll over in her grave.”  In her mind she keeps hearing her mother’s voice saying, “I didn’t mean to break you, I only desired for you to find your own way home.”  

Then why did God take you away from me so soon?  Can you answer that, she shouts at herself in the dead of night.  Demanding an answer from a faithless void within her heart and soul which she sold pieces of a long time ago to lay in bed with nameless but familiar faces.  Women and men who also sacrificed their translucent nakedness on the cross.  As seeking their own personal Jesus or Jessie in the Hotel Californication by each hour that penance was due.  Raped by her own sadistic subconscious…bound, gagged; and whipped with thorns.  

“If sacred sin was a lotto ticket I’d be a millionaire.” Claire knelt too many times to count in the Church of Decadent Desires as that gold cross dangled between her perspiring breasts.  Stripped bare, exposing the scars of her tortured past; her body as dead inside as that tree our gender neutral Savior was nailed to. 

(Her IPhone sounds off.  A young girl is on the other end to confirm that Claire is coming tonight, promptly at 8 pm she might add). 

The otherwise low-key event was more of a greet and meet over hors d’oeuvres.  A handshake, fist bump, and kiss on both cheeks would then be followed up by fellatio or if she preferred cunnilingus with one of many newly arrived ‘actresses’ from all over the world.  The Beverly Hills Hotel was packed with a majority of the rooms preoccupied with foreplay and sex sessions already in many shades of undress. 

Claire had this habit of biting her lower lip whenever she was nervous or romantically turned up.  Her brown eyes could not keep from wandering; especially in a crowded room full of the world’s most gorgeous people, even with her latest hot accessary standing right next to her.  Claire chose a simple black maxi dress, black straw fedora, and matching suede sandals from her fav store, Forever 21.  She would find any excuse to show off her shapely legs and freshly pedicured toes.  She chose to skip the bra for this evening, only choosing to adorn some lacy red heart-shaped panties. 

Claire met the director at the Showbiz Expo in Los Angeles two years prior to her first speaking gig in a movie.  She was always around some hot talent in the industry which all began with her nude modeling freelance work for the local colleges.  She always loved art and would be willing to show off her perfection to anyone with an eye for visual perception and mastery of seduction outside the classroom.  

She responded to an online ad on Los Angeles Craigslist – Earn Daily $$$ modeling P/T: We pay $500-1000 per day for single nudes, solo sex, anal sex, one on one, fisting, group orgy, Bukkake, tribs, asphyxiation…If you are willing to travel; first class airfare and hotel accommodations included.  

(Bus terminal along Capital Boulevard in Raleigh, North Carolina…The sound of rain pounds the windows as another hurricane slams into Wilmington moving on up the coast). 

“Ma’am, where is it you are going” the 40ish looking brunette haired lady says to Claire.  She had a fight with her live-in girlfriend Toni over an encounter she had with a fresh, young piece of eye candy.  The guy was 19 and a freshman at State majoring in Computer Graphics.  She needed some help setting up her website at home and needed some technical expertise.  A friend of hers did a photoshoot with her showcasing her latest original fashion designs.  

Nick was a stud; tight jeans, plain white t-shirt, and some white cross-trainers.  He was the basketball star athletic at Raleigh High School; always surrounded by his ‘groupies.’ They were more like the cheerleader sluts whom you’d see at every game throwing their panties at their fav players.  Nick was holding out for someone special; that girl who was a geek at heart as himself.  He may have been picked to play on the Wildcats basketball team, however he maintained a 4.0 GPA; while President of the Honor Society.

WHAT THE FUCK” exclaimed Claire when she came in that late night from her shift at Starbucks.  She knew Toni was bi but thought she got over guys after the two of them hit it off.  Claire was jealous anytime a gorgeous hot thang came over to talk to Toni; even a mere glance or hint of flirtation would cause Claire to rage inside.  Nick already had his shirt off; showing off some firm six pack abs worth downing in one sitting.  His tight jeans would do little to hide what he was packing and loading.  

Toni had a way with men and women; always getting what she wanted without so much effort as breathing or eating.  She had a salacious appetite and was always filling her mouth with something-whenever she wasn’t speaking.  To add salt to the wound of their broken relationship, Toni was wearing the same sarong she had on the day they both met-which was tossed to the side; hanging off the mirrored dresser as if to tease.  She was fully disrobed and naked; apart from the ankle bracelet and heart necklace she had engraved with Claire’s initials. 

YOU FUCKING DYKE SLUT” she burst out screaming hysterically and then crying uncontrollably as she stormed out of their luxury two bedroom loft just two blocks off Peace Street and within five minutes from work.

She had been sitting at the Greyhound Station off Capital Blvd for close to three hours, contemplating her next move and her life apart from Toni.  She was feeling some guilt upon keying Toni’s new BMW but in her mind this situation was warranted-a reminder of love lost.  She also was glad she took all the crisp new Benjamins off the kitchen table; 10 in all.  Have fun trying to pay the rent now bitch.  She thought to herself.  She also pocketed her fav Maroon 5 cd-icing on the cake, especially since Sugar was one of Toni’s best songs to make love to.

 “Ma’am you ok?” the older lady said behind the counter; more out of frustration than concern to Claire.  I guess Claire’s eyes looked like she was toking on a blunt, how red they were from all the crying she was doing the past few hours.  Claire didn’t know what to do or where to go, but she knew anyplace except Raleigh-at least for now.  It’s not like this will be the first move she will regret.  “I just need the next bus out of here” Claire spoke as she scanned the terminal for any signs of a destination to nowhere.  

She saw some young guy, clearly still in high school wearing a California Republic charcoal t-shirt, cargo pants, and some Doc Martins.  “California” she burst out.  The ticket lady says to her, “you’re in luck, the next bus leaves for Barstow in one hour.”  Claire hands her some of the bills she stole from Toni to pay her ticket.  The lady; clearly elated that she can finally take a smoking break again, hands Claire the stamped ticket.

Why didn’t I think this through, Claire contemplates to herself as she realizes the only attire she has is what she is currently wearing.  Her pink halter crop top accentuates her curves well.  Add to that a pair of worn-out daisy dukes, along with her pair of gold flat lace-up sandals gives her the appearance of a spontaneous beach trip to Wilmington.  Maybe she can make a few bucks on the side to help fund her trip to nowhere, she muses to herself as she watches the storm clouds come in from the east.  An extreme weather alert announcement from WRAL is broadcast on the television in the terminal lobby, warning of more thunderstorms and possible tornadoes through tomorrow morning. 

©2018 Passion Angel Media.  All Rights Reserved. 

“Ignite Your Passion” 

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As a proud graduate of California State University, Chico with an earned BA degree in International Relations, Master of Arts degree in Public Policy, and a past study abroad participant at the University of Tuebingen, education has always been up front and center in both our family and my professional career. My blogging project is an eclectic work in progress and intended to increase global awareness through selections and stories of my studies and travels. As future global citizens we can seek first to understand one another through word pictures and engage our collective creative intellects to change our community; one blog at a time.

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