Hey you…yes you there with your eyes glued to your SmartyAssPhone. Stop texting, sexting, exchanging nude selfies of one another, SnapSexing, and pay attention to the freakin’ road in front of you. Just watch that you don’t get your inner goddess too happy now while singing along to Pharrell as you take selfies speeding down the highway like that chick who slammed her car into a tree out in North Carolina.
I would always keep a lookout for some clueless Selena Gomez or Nautica Thorn number whom was so busy making love to her digital toy that she wouldn’t bother to look up; even crossing the street and not missing a beat. It’s amazing how distracted young people can be, but god you’d be also with all that viral shit as well. I’d immediately step in her path and just wait for her approach so she could bump into me or at the very least to have a near grab. Ok I know how that came across but I don’t care!!!
Reminds me of that college waitress up at Chico State who walked right into me and got her white shirt covered in mocha, but not a drop on my leather jacket. Just a quickie PSR…look up every now and then. Don’t miss the life that’s right in front of your over-enhanced boobs. You may be missing out on your next Justin Bieber, Brad Pitt, or Ariana Grande crush; or whoever your dream fantasy fuck date is.
Now adjust your cleavage, show some nip, fix your messy hair, your mascara gloop, and sport some distressed clothing accentuating your figure (especially your derrière) and get your sex on. Or order yourself a Vibrating Tip Rabbit and invite your homegirls over or have a study group with your Daisy Chain Barista Crew.
I hear the Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix will get you in the mood for some carnal desire…
Now that’s up for you to decide if the scene feels right.
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“Ignite Your Passion”